


Blight Geeks

by ranchoff



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Gen, One Shot, Parody, Silly, SpongeBob SquarePants References, that's his.......eager face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 07:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15068498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranchoff/pseuds/ranchoff
Summary: Sten tries to teach some idiots to fight properly, and it goes about as well as he could expect it to.A direct parody of a scene from Spongebob Squarepants, inspired by some goofy shenanigans on the Dragon Age subreddit. Thanks to reddit user u/melisusthewee for the prompt.





	Blight Geeks

The group made their way toward the clearing where Sten stood in wait. They had only just woken up, but after a particularly rough few scrapes on the road this week, he insisted that they must take time to practice their form as soon as possible. The entire group had an air of grogginess about them, but Lariel had not really slept the night before, plagued with particularly intense Archdemon dreams, and she could barely keep her eyes open as Alistair gently nudged her forward.

“The form that this group takes during battle is unacceptable,” the stern Qunari said, pacing in front of the tired group of travelers. “If there is to be any hope of defeating a Blight, you must be trained in proper combat. You must behave as an army, not as  _scrappers_  who learned to fight in tavern brawls.”

“Pardon me, but I take offense to this,” Zevran chimed in with a yawn. “I am a trained  _assassin_ , not a common thug.”

“And I was trained as  _Templar_ , you know,” Alistair added defensively. “Say what you like about them, but their combat training is nothing to sneeze at.”

“Perhaps,” Sten said grudgingly. “But whatever your training, there are clearly things that we must work on. You must learn to fight as an organized group of soldiers. All of you, form a straight line.”

The group meandered into formation of a horizontal line in front of Sten, though they took their time to do so.

“So,” Alistair said, “Is this the part where we all grab each other’s shoulders and start kicking in unison?”

“No,” Sten answered flatly. “ _That_  is the Orlesian Ruade.”

Lariel’s head bolted up, suddenly aware of the conversation, though still had a sleepy glaze in her eyes.

“Kicking?! I want to do some kicking!” Lariel exclaimed, and sent her leg flying out violently at the nearest target, which happened to be Leliana.

Sten watched, now exhausted himself, as the Bard shouted at the Warden and they began the least energetic brawl he had ever witnessed.

Perhaps today was not the time for combat training.


End file.
